Healing from lust and pornography

“For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin.” - Romans 6:6

If you have trouble resisting pornography, or have been hurt by someone who views pornography, what can you do?

Firstly, it’s important to realise that you are not alone.

In our highly sexualised culture, pornography is everywhere and research suggests that in a typical church our size there are hundreds struggling to resist pornography. And yet we don’t tend to talk about it. Naturally we worry about the shame we may face or the hurt we may cause others. Even those who feel betrayed after discovering their partner has been viewing pornography can remain quiet in grief because of the stigma. So, we have a silent and insidious problem. And you may feel alone, but you are not alone.

Secondly, you need to decide whether you will pursue healing.

You won’t act unless you can genuinely acknowledge the pain you are in, or the harm that pornography is causing. Pornography breeds guilt and unhappiness. It harms personal relationships and spiritual lives. It also creates demand for an exploitative sex industry. The Bible is against it. Sociology lays it out clearly that pornography is bad for society. But the guilty pleasure draws people into its clutches. It is both deceptive and enslaving because the excitement and arousal overpowers people’s ability to acknowledge and face up to the myriad of negative consequences. If you are stuck in its clutches you probably won’t want help, but you actually need it. Further down this page are some resources for your heart, mind, and healing. There are also resources for those who feel hurt and betrayed by a loved one viewing pornography.

Thirdly, it’s invaluable to talk with a safe person.

It helps to talk with someone who understands the nature of confidentiality and who will support you to come up with a plan for healing. This could be a church leader, or a friend, or perhaps someone further removed from your social networks like a counsellor. Who do you feel that you could talk to? There is a list of recommended counsellors below. The idea is to work with them to come up with a plan for healing.

Fourthly, consider joining a support group.

There are support groups for those who are struggling to resist pornography and support groups for those who have been hurt by loved ones viewing pornography. There are Christian support groups and secular support groups. There are online groups and groups that meet in-person. A couple of options for support groups are listed in the resource section below.

Resources to help you think

  • Pornography: The Elephant in the Church, Eternity News

    An excellent overview 28-minute video about pornography as the elephant in the room with a range of Australian experts to understand: Why Christians are struggling with it? Who is impacted by it and what can be done to fix it?

    Learn more

  • Hidden Sin, Her Theology Podcast

    An honest three-part series about pornography and healing for men and women. 

    - Episode 58 Hidden Sin - A Solution for the Church on Porn, Infidelity & Sexual Brokenness
    - Episode 59 Hidden Sin - Helping Women Win the Battle over Porn & Love Addiction
    - Episode 60 Hidden Sin - Healing & Restoration from Infidelity in Marriage

    Listen on your favourite podcast App.

    Learn more

  • Captured by a Better Vision: Living Porn Free, Tim Chester

    In this book Tim Chester points Christians to something infinitely better than porn, something that captivates without causing shame, remorse or embarrassment: the glory and beauty of Christ.

    Learn more

  • Soooo, about Pornography, With the Perry's Podcast

    Popular American podcasters bring their humour, honesty, and insight in this episode of With the Perry’s.

    Learn more

  • Two Strategies to Win the War on Lust, Ask Pastor John Piper

    This is an audio response by John Piper to a college question about the battle to control lust. Discover effective strategies to overcome this struggle as Pastor John Piper addresses the battle against lust, providing a two-part approach to spiritual and mental fitness. By resisting sinful desires and actively engaging with God’s promises, you can strengthen your faith.

    Learn more

  • How to Stop Watching Porn: 6 Essential Steps to Quit, Covenant Eyes

    A four minute read through Dr. Weiss’ 6 Essential Steps to Quit Porn.

    Learn more

  • Resisting Porn, Sydney Anglicans

    Website by the Sydney Archbishop’s Anti-pornography Taskforce with a variety of links and resources.

    Learn more

  • Betrayal Trauma: The Side of Porn Use No One Talks About, Covenant Eyes

    After conducting research for more than ten years and with more than 3,000 individuals, Dr. Kevin Skinner can confidently say trauma is very common in women and men who discover their partner’s secret sexual behaviors.

    Learn more

  • Fight For Love Ministries

    An American Christian organisation which aims to help wives navigate the effects of pornography in their marriage. The website has numerous resources including frequently asked questions, recovery resources and podcasts.

    Learn more

Resources to help you act

Speak with someone on the Ministry Team 

If you approach any of our pastoral staff for help, please be assured you will not be kicked out of the church, you will not be publicly shamed, you will not be told to pray more and pushed to the side and we won’t go and tell your spouse or your Growth Group. Instead, we will love you and we will help you come up with a plan.

Counsellors

Support Groups

  • Groups and counselling. For men and women with unwanted sexual behaviour or betrayal trauma.

    Learn more here.

  • Groups and counselling located in West Pymble. Men’s 12 step recovery group.

    Learn more here.

Verses to help you pray

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies.

Matthew 5:27-30

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

1 John 1:8-2:2

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.  My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

Titus 2:11-14

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Saviour, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.

Hebrews 10:22

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.