Navigating Doubt With Grace | Three Strategies to Help Our Children Thrive

Introduction

In a world where doubt can feel like a taboo word and questioning our faith can lead to isolation and judgment, deconstruction has become very common. It often starts when young people encounter challenging ideas, unanswered questions, or personal experiences that contradict their upbringing. As doubts grow and unanswered questions multiply, what began as a private struggle can quickly become an outcry for help, ultimately shaking the sturdy bedrock of faith.

Two Types of Deconstruction 

But you might be wondering, "What is deconstruction?" The basic meaning of deconstruction is "breaking something down into its separate parts to understand its meaning." In this sense, deconstruction can be very positive. For example, when mastering a new language, we need to break the language down into different parts – nouns, verbs, adjectives, pronouns, and prepositions – to construct a basic sentence. Positive deconstruction is all around us.

But while there is this type of deconstruction, there is a destructive form. Alisa Childers comments:

"Deconstruction is the process of systematically dissecting and often rejecting the beliefs you grew up with. Sometimes, the Christian will deconstruct all the way to atheism. Some remain there, but others experience a reconstruction. But the type of faith they end up embracing almost never resembles the Christianity they formerly knew." 

For this reason, deconstruction can be a very sad reality, causing many to "turn away from the living God" (Hebrews 3:12). So, how do we help our children navigate through doubt with grace? What can we do to help our children "hold [their] original conviction firmly to the very end" (Hebrews 3:14)? 

1) Anticipate the Pressure Points of Faith

Firstly, we must anticipate the pressure points of faith, understand the common causes of doubt, and address them with much care and clarity. Whether it is questions about the historical accuracy of biblical events or concerns about the morality of certain teachings, we must create spaces where doubt can be freely explored without fear of judgment or condemnation.

Here is the truth:

If our children do not find an empathetic ear from us, they will more than likely find alternative guides who will celebrate their deconstruction and journey with them toward greater unbelief. 

Let us then assure our children that we are the safest person in the world to approach, however challenging, confronting, or even distressing their questions of doubt may be at first.

2) Embrace the Silver Lining of Doubt

Secondly, we must embrace the positive aspects of doubt, seeing it not as a threat to be extinguished but as a catalyst for spiritual growth. The truth is that doubt can lead to deeper encounters with the risen Lord Jesus, ultimately leading to a deep faith (see John 20:24-29). Do you see the silver lining? Doubt can be an avenue used by God for the building up of faith. As Barnabas Piper, a doubter himself, has said:

"Questions are the conversational currency of a child. Every question is asked to learn out of a desire to understand from a stance of trust. Children ask not to challenge but to believe." 

In helping our children wrestle through doubt, let us look beyond the question to the questioner's heart. Let us see that doubter as a little child, full of wonder, ready to learn, longing to believe.  

3) Be Gracious on the Non-Essentials

Finally, we must be gracious about the non-essentials, realising that not every theological disagreement is a hill worth dying on. By distinguishing between core doctrines and secondary beliefs, we can build a strong faith foundation to withstand the inevitable bumps in the road we call life. Karen Prior make this helpful point:

"Like a car made of glass that has no shock absorbers, such a faith shatters upon hitting any bump in the road. But when Christians hold theological beliefs within a hierarchy that assigns core doctrines a higher value than secondary doctrines, that core is less likely to be abandoned when the non-essentials encounter friction." 

Discipleship with no shock absorbers is dangerous. When we make every belief fundamental, we build disciples as fragile as glass. The challenge then is to major on the essentials of faith, while leaving the door open for more grace on the non-essentials, to build long and lasting faith.

Conclusion

While doubt is often a scary reality, causing us much anxiety, I encourage you to see the bright side of questioning. The journey of doubt is filled with great potential for spiritual growth. Therefore, if your child is wrestling, do not avoid the questions but be patient and present with them in the struggle. Through your tender love and care over the long haul, I pray that they will emerge from doubt stronger, wiser, and more deeply rooted in Christ than ever before. Let us, then, be gentle and lowly shepherds who navigate our children through seasons of doubt with much grace.

Recommend Reading

Before You Lose Your Faith: Deconstructing Doubt in the Church